but she says he’s just a friend…

I feel like i am just a friend…i hate that feeling but it’s the safe feeling when it comes to dealing with myself. It’s a feeling that comes with some strong problems that should not be problems but they are. How can I live with someone and it not be more…its hard. but im scared. I have put myself into a simi safe zone in which my larger devils are at bay but I know that i am causing damage to our relationship that will have its effects in the long run…i mean how can they not. I would be a fool to say or think otherwise. I cheated. i might have done it in a physical way but its still cheating…and maybe for the worst reasons…to make her leave me, to destroy our relationship because im too scared to be in it. because i still feel guilty for being in one. those devils that whisperd in my ear during those times are quiet but not dead and maybe next time it wont be cheating..but they aren’t dead and i know this. and that scares me..but also why i needed help. I think sometimes if only i had found help sooner maybe I coule have fought this off better…maybe. Maybe i just try to be the best friend I can be…or maybe I sit and wait and wait and wait…thise devils have a way of finding me no matter how much or how far I run. 


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