The middle man

It is those silent moments when my mind does all its thinking. It thinks about those long forgotten moments and also about moments yet to come. That hamster up there spinning on its wheel must be tired by now.

It is quiet and my mind has finally stopped thinking and nothing. There it goes again, thinking about the sight and sounds of the day. The medication has made it that the lows that I once had and hid from the world are gone but the highs that I would feel are also gone too but when they do happen they are more real. Yes I have not had many of them, but they feel more real. Maybe its just all a game of the mind, who knows.

Quiet again. No sound. No wait I do hear the cats, nothing new in that. I close my eyes and I can picture her smile, her laugh, her tears. I can picture the stress that runs from my head to my toes. I have no idea what the days or weeks will bring to us, I hope it brings some happiness to her after the pain and tears that I caused her. it’s not easy to see that right now but her joy in life means so much to me. Its quiet once more.

and then it’s not. Loudness comes back. it comes from all points all around and its here to stay. No more quiet, but that’s alright because the mind has stopped for the day. The poor hamster can rest. The mind can rest. The middle man who I have become is here to stay and that is for the best.


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