Sometimes it is hard to know when the right thing for yourself is the right thing for others. Sometimes you gotta think about your own self and knowing when that is can be a game that you play with yourself. Today I spoke with someone for the first time outside of this blog about the problems in my own mind with someone who knows me as a person and not in a medical sense. I am not saint and I do not pretend to be one but I do not mean to be this evil person that I know I will come across to other people. I mean I am someone who broke someones heart, I am the classic case of the man who cheated, I am the type of man who should not be trusted. I do not say that my crimes should be forgiven but I do ask for another chance to do the right thing. Maybe that now I know a little bit more about who I am I can do things better.
So at this crossroads I stand. It’s a brand new day and I need to do what is right for myself…yes myself. I want to be happy but happy with someone who is right for me and who understands me and my issues. So I guess I will go out and find that because yes 39 is looking in my face in this next year. and then..and then comes 40. I’m scared to be alone at 40. But I have some time to not let that happen. I need to be a better person, a good friend who is there for those who I say are my friends, I need to be a better mate the right and treat them with the respect that should be given to them. Next time starts now and I have faith in myself.